All I Ever Needed to
Know About Life I Learned
From my Bird

by Karen Trinkaus

You're probably somewhat familiar with the title. It all started out with a poster by the same name (except "kindergarten" in place of "bird"). There are many other variations for dogs, cats, horses, and other things, but none for birds! So I created my own list. Enjoy!

Bad attention is better than none. Cute people can get away with anything. Everything is a toy. When they won't listen to reason- go for volume. Food tastes better when it's stolen off someone else's plate. "Bird brain" is a compliment. Change bites. Share- regurgitate. Color has no affect on personality. It's better to start out ugly and get cute than to start out cute and get ugly. Don't forget to stop and chew the furniture. Learning other languages is a waste of time- if they want to communicate bad enough they'll learn yours. Expensive stuff was made to be destroyed. Let the world know how much you love life- scream at the top of your lungs at dawn and dusk. The world's best toys are tissue paper, toilet paper rolls, and boxes. Big things come in small packages. The world is a dangerous place- keep your wings clipped. You can't judge a bird by its plumage. Always test your limits- learn to pick locks. Give a little love and you'll get a lot in return. There's always time for a snuggle. Keep them on their toes- chase their feet. Food was meant to be played with. Set goals in life- see how much food you can throw past the seed guard; then try to break your record. Variety is good. If you look or act strange, everybody will want you. Find someone you really love, then permanently attach yourself to their shoulder. Keep yourself well groomed. When things get tough, migrate. All's fair in love and territory. The screaming bird gets the attention. Think nothing of making a mess- someone will clean up after you. Words spoken in the heat of anger or passion are the most entertaining to mimic. If you can't fly, walk. If you can't walk, fly. If you can't do either, scoot.

Feisty Feathers

This was written by Karen Trinkaus. Don't copy you shmuck! Or I'll send my duck to squirt on you!

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1997 birdbrain75@hotmail.com